帮我改改雅思作文吧
isitnatureornurturethatplaysamajorroleinthedevelopmentofpersonlity?whatisyouropinion?
Inthemodernworld,natureornurturewhichplayingmoresignificantroleforchildrenindividualcharacterhasbecomingacontroversialissue
Thereisangreatdealofpeopleconvincedthatifchildrenownthetalentwhichbeyondimagination,itmeansyouadvancingothers,andthenaturetalentcanfurtheryoutoabrightenfuture.Forexample,theteachersprefertoteachthemratherthanotherstudents,itisbecauselesstimeandenergybepaidtothesameutility.Nevertheless,thecleverstudentscanachievemoregoalsthanothersjustspendingthesametime.Astheresult,thiskindofchildrenmostlybeconfidence,andcultivatebetterability
Ontheotherhand,thelivingenvironmentandparentingaswellasexertnoticeableinfluenceonthedevelopmentoftheirpersonality.Theschooleducationandthesocialsurroundingsarethetwomainfactorswhichaffecttheircharacter.Intheschooltime,varietiesofpeoplearestudyingtogether,theymaybeinfluencedbyclassmatesandlearnsomegoodorbadthingsfromthem.Theirchangesbecomesofantastic.Whereas,thesocietyismorecomplexthanschoolorfamily,manychallengeandopportunitiesarewaitingforthem.Nobodyknowswhichchoicewillbechosen,orwhatpersonalitywilltheybuild.
AsfarasIamconcerned,althoughnatureornurtureallexertsupernaturalinfluenceonchildren,thenurturefactors,environmentofschoolandsurroundingsofsociety,playanmajorroletodevelopindividualcharacter
这只是很普通的一篇作文,无法和高分作文相比
我想知道我需要在哪方面下功夫,或是有哪些不足的地方需要改进