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请英语高手帮我点评我的这篇英语四级作文,1:本社团的主要活动内容2:参加本社团的好处3:如何加入本社团WelcometojointheSunshinevolunteerclub!Ifyouhavealoveheart,yououghttojoinus.Wewilllookin
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问题描述:

请英语高手帮我点评我的这篇英语四级作文,

1:本社团的主要活动内容

2:参加本社团的好处

3:如何加入本社团

WelcometojointheSunshinevolunteerclub!Ifyouhavealoveheart,yououghttojoinus.Wewilllookintheolderthosewholivealoneandtalkwiththem.Inaddition,wealsogototheprimaryschooltoteachtheminterestingknowledge,forexample,theinterestingmath,scientificknowledgeandthestormofintelligence.

TheSunshinevolunteerclubwillprovideaopportunitytoletyouhelpthepeoplewhoarepoorordisabled.Ithinktheactivitieswillimproveyourabilityofactionortalk.Furthermore,peoplewillworktogetherandyouwilllearnsomethinghowtogetalongwellwithothers.Finally,youwillmakesomefriendsinourclub.

Ifyouwanttojoinourclub,justcallusat691800orsendanemailtoSunshinevolunteer@hstc.edu.cn,withinformationattached.Andafteroneweek,youwillbeamemberofourclub.Sodon'thesitate,joinus.

李树华回答:
  一,Ifyouhavealoveheart.love是动词,不能做定语.换成Ifyouarekind-hearted,二,yououghttojoinus表示建议把oughtto换成aresupposedto更委婉三,Wewilllookintheolderthosewholivealoneand...
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