帮一同学请教大神们tofel作文~求批改~个人意见可能有些中式表达需要改进,而且有些句子重复

Theissueofwhetheritismoreimportanttokeepyouroldfriendsthanitistomakenewfriendsisapopularquestiontoday.Manypeoplearguethatmakingoldfriendsismoreimportant,butdifferentpeoplehavedifferentidea.Tomywayofthinking,Iprefertomakenewfriendsratherthankeepoldfriends.Herearemyreasons.

Tobeginwith,Ithinkmakingnewfriendscanpromoteustolearnmoreaboutthetraditionofotherplaces.Asweallknow,ourfriendscomefromdifferentplaces,theresultisthattheymayacceptvariedculturewhichisdifferentfromours.Consequently,newfriendscanhelpimprovingourknowledgefromallovertheworld.Forexample,IhaveaFrenchfriend,andIalwayssende-mailtohim.Inthee-mail,hesharetheinformationofFrancewithme.Itisreallyrefreshandexcitedformetogettheinformation.Also,itpromotesmetolearnmoreaboutthecultureofotherplaces.

Inaddition,comparedwithkeepingoldfriend,Ithinkmakingnewfriendscanexpandoursocialrelationshipcircle.Thatmeanswemayhavemoreopportunitythanothers.Asweallknow,toliveinthehumansociety,weneedmorechances.Asamatteroffact,thekeytobesuccessfulistogetmorechance.Itisimportantforustogetmoreopportunity,soitmeansweneedmorenewfriendstohelpus.Forexample,myfatherhasmadeabigsuccessinhisjob.Oneofthemajorreasonsisthathemadealotofnewfriendsandmostofthemaresuccessfulandwillingtohelphim.Astheresult,theyhelpmyfathertoclimbtothesummit!

Eventually,Ithinkkeepingoldfriendsalsohassomeadvantages.Forexample,wewillhavemanyclosefriends,whenweareupset,theybringushappiness.Butwecan’tjustalwaysstaywithouroldfriends.Wemustwalkoutofourcomfortzone.SoIthinkmakingnewfriendsismoreimportantthankeepingoldfriends.

Inconclusion,Iwouldlikemakenewfriendsratherthankeepoldfriends.Moreover,inmyopinion,makingnewfriendscanbringmorebenefitstous.SoIsupportthequestionthatitismoreimportanttokeepouroldfriendsthanitistomakenewfriends.最好能给个独立写作的分数,