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Topic:Nowadayspeopleliveinthesocietywhereconsumergoodsarerelativelycheapertobuy.Doyouthinkitsadvantagesoutweighitsdisadvantages?Inthemanypartsoftheworld,articlesareveryexpensiveforpeopletobuyinthepast.However,beca
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问题描述:

Topic:Nowadayspeopleliveinthesocietywhereconsumergoodsarerelativelycheapertobuy.Doyouthinkitsadvantagesoutweighitsdisadvantages?

Inthemanypartsoftheworld,articlesareveryexpensiveforpeopletobuyinthepast.However,becauseitismorelikelynowthathigh-technologyproducethesearticleseasier,supplyanddemandkeeponreduce,soconsumergoodsbecomingcheaperthanbefore.

Whilesomepeoplethinkthismaybedamagingtobusinesscircle,thelowpriceincreasethecompetitiveofcompanies,theyhavenochoicebuttoreducethestafforcutdownaggregateinvestmenttoensuretheirprofits,somecompaniesevenuseinferiormaterialsandturnoutsubstandardproductstomakeanimproperprofit,infacttherearemanyadvantagestoreducetheexpenseforarticles.

Oneexplanationmightbethatthelowerpriceenablemostofpeopletousethesegoodsandenjoythehappinessthembroughttopeople.Forinstance,computernowispopularwiththousandsoffamilies,butinthemiddleof19thcentury,itisonlycanbeusedbythepersonwhoissuperrich.PeoplecansitinfrontofcomputersurfingtheInternetandchattingwithfriendwhateverwheretheyareratherthanhelplesslywatchingtherich.

Anotheradvantageofdecreasingthecostofmerchandisesisthatintermsofthesalesman,cutdowntheprofitmargininordertosellmore.Inparticular,iftheysellatadiscount,thenmorepeoplewillcometobuy,itwillnotonlyraisethequantityofsalebutalsoinfavorofreducestocks.Inthecontextofthefinancialcrisis,thispointisbecomingespeciallyimportant.

Sooverall,Ibelievethatboththeconsumerandtheproducerwillprofitfromcheaperpricesofconsumergoods.

语法错误?逻辑不通?怎么改进?

毛艳娥回答:
  有点跑题.问的是优缺点,你最后的总结没有表明你的观点,即是有点大于缺点还是缺点大于有点.   第二三段主题句不突出.要在首句就亮出你这段要说的观点.例如第二段,说的是认为便宜不好,那么主题句就要说somepeoplethinkdisadvantagesoflowpriceareobvious.然后你文中写的可作为论据,支持你本段的主题句.   总的感官是,都是支持句,主题句不明显.而这在雅思考试中是吃亏的.老外对写作的要求其实很简单:一、逻辑清楚.主题句、支持句清楚.   二、意思表达清楚,他不用费劲就知道你要说的什么意思.这点非常非常重要.因为,即使单词量再丰富、句式再多变,但是让老外搞不到你要说什么,就是白搭.这是我出来后,老师对写作的主要要求,包括你日后写essay,都要遵循这2点.
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