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请对我的托福作文评分,答案有价值的话追加100分独立作文Someyoungadultswantindependencefromtheirparentsassoonaspossible.Otheradultsprefertolivewiththeirfamiliesforalongertime.Whichofthesesituationsdoyou
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请对我的托福作文评分,答案有价值的话追加100分

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Someyoungadultswantindependencefromtheirparentsassoonaspossible.Otheradultsprefertolivewiththeirfamiliesforalongertime.Whichofthesesituationsdoyouthinkisbetter?Usespecificreasonsandexamplestosupportyouropinion.

TakeIndependenceasTreasure

Forsomeunmatureyoungsters,independencemaybetheworstnightmareforthem.Theytrytodefendthemselvesbyarguingthatindependenceisapassiveandmiserablething,whyshouldsomeoneaskforitevenbeforeitispossibetostayatthesafedockoftheirfamilies.Inmyopinion,however,independenceissuchaprecioustreasurethattheearlieryougetit,themoreyouwillbenefitfromit,aslongasyoucansurvivethiscompetitivemodernworld.

Allmaturehumanwilladmitthat,asanindividualinacompetitiveworld,everyoneowesapieceofunreplaceableresponsibilitytohimorherself.Wegotfamilyprotectionatayoungagebecausewewerethentoovulnerabletosustainthepressurefromtherealworld;andwelearnedalotofskills--whichcouldleadustosuccessoneday--fromourfamilieswhilegrowingup.However,welearnthosetoentitleindependencetous,nottoenableustofindreasonsforhidingbehined.Howcouldhumanproceedorachieveinthisnegativeway?Ifapersonunderstandstheimportanceofindependence,heorshewillacceptindependencemorevoluntarily.

What’smore,independenceisanecessaryprocessandtheultimateresultforaqualifiedhumanbeing.Inotherwords,allofushavetowelcometheadvertofindependencesomeday,whetheryoulikeitornot.Why?Becausewecouldnotbecoveredbyfamilyprotectionforever.Familyisacontinuouslydevelopingprocess,whichmeansyoucouldbesweptbytheworldlytorrentsifnotpreparedwell.Atleast,onehastoconsiderthenextgenerationandfurther.Otherwise,heorshewillnotbeaqualifiedcitizen.

Now,sincewehaveunderstoodboththeresponsibilityandnecessitytoacceptindependence,whynotcherishindependenceandaskforitassoonaspossible?Independeceisapracticalprocessanditrequiresalotskillswhichcouldonlybelearnedinreality.Afterall,asancientpeoplehaveputforword,lifeisaknowledgableteacher.Letusfacethefactthatlifeisshor

裴昌幸回答:
  不需要题目的.   隐喻很多,可加分   小词有的用得很好,词汇,短语比较不错   个别词不是特别地道   例子还可再具体些现在这样也不错吧   第二三段,人作主语的句子太多,   句式较多样,再加入些非谓语能更加分.only的倒装太俗   第一个观点的提出还可以再鲜明一点.   段落最好加入一点总结句   总体是不错的吧我觉得.应该可以得到Good(4-5)的那一档可以在2324以上的分数
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《请对我的托福作文评分,答案有价值的话追加100分独立作文Someyoungadultswantindependencefromtheirparentsassoonaspossible.Otheradultsprefertolivewiththeirfamiliesforalongertime.Whichofthesesituationsdoyou|小学作文问答-字典翻译问答网》
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