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求帮忙改一下英语自我介绍,我自己写的,因为不懂语法全靠语感,所以想请英语大神帮忙看看,感谢啊``(大学会计ACCA专业要从已录取的其他专业学生中再增加招收30人,需要英语面试,跪求帮忙啊,
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求帮忙改一下英语自我介绍,我自己写的,因为不懂语法全靠语感,所以想请英语大神帮忙看看,感谢啊``

(大学会计ACCA专业要从已录取的其他专业学生中再增加招收30人,需要英语面试,跪求帮忙啊,觉得有必要可以帮忙加内容)Itisreallymyhonortohavethisopportunitytointroducemyselfbriefly.MynameisXX,comefromHubeiprovince.AlthoughIam17yearsold,Istilllookveryshortandthin.Perhapsitismynotdoingexercisesregularlythatcontributestothisresult.ButIlikeplayingbadmintonwithmyparentsafterdinner.Iconsideritasagoldentimeoftheday,becauseIfeelhappy.AnotherthingIcangetsamefeelingsislisteningtomusic.Tobehonest,IprefertolistenEnglishmusicratherthanChinesemusic.MyfavouritePOPsingerisKatyPerry.Ithinkhersongissoinspirational.Ioftensinkmyselfintothemusicbeforefallasleep.MydreamisthatonedayIcangotoCaliforniaandseeKatyPerryinreality.SoIlikelearningandspeakingEnglish.IdesperatelywanttobeoneofthestudentsinACCAclass.NotonlycanIimprovemyEnglish,butIalsocanlearntobeanaccountantasIhope.ThisisthereasonwhyI’mbeinghere.IknowI’mnotoutstandingnow.butinuniversity,therewillbemuchsparetimeformetocatchupwithothers.IwilltrytobethebestbecauseI’mwillingtofacechallenges.EvenifIfail,myoptimismwilltreat.That’sall,thankyou.

郭晓疆回答:
  i'mveryhonouredtohavethisopportunitytointroducemyself.MynameisXX,comingfromHubeiprovince.Iam17yearsold,butIstilllookveryshortandthin.Perhapsitisnotdoingexercisesregularlythatcontributestothisresult.Ilikeplayingbadmintonwithmyparentsafterdinner.Iconsideritasagoldentimeoftheday,becauseitmakemehappy.AnotherthingIcangetthesamefeelingislisteningtomusic.Tobehonest,IprefertoEnglishmusicratherthanChinesemusic.MyfavouritePOPsingerisKatyPerry.Ithinkhersongisveryinspirational.Ioftensinkmyselfintothemusicbeforefallingasleep.MydreamisthatonedayIcangotoCaliforniatoseeKatyPerryinreality,thisinspiresmetolearnandspeakEnglish.IdesperatelywanttobeoneofthestudentsinACCAclass.NotonlycanIimprovemyEnglish,butalsoIcanlearntobeanaccountantasIhope.ThisisthereasonwhyI’mbeinghere.IknowI’mnotanoutstandingpersonnow,butinuniversity,therewillbemuchsparetimeformetocatchupwithothers.IwilltrymybesttobethebestbecauseI’mwillingtofacechallenges.EvenifIfail,myoptimismwilltreat.That’sall,thankyou.
陈嘉琦回答:
  Itisreallymyhonortohavethisopportunitytointroducemyselfbriefly.MynameisXX.IcomefromHubeiProvince.AlthoughIam17yearsold,Istilllookveryshortandthin.PerhapsitismynotdoingexercisesregularlythatHAScontributeDtothisresult.Ilikeplayingbadmintonwithmyparentsafterdinner,WHICHIconsiderasagoldentimeofday,ANDTHATMAKESMEhappy.AnotherthingIcangetTHEsameGOODfeelingsislisteningtomusicANDSONGS.Tobehonest,IWOULDprefertolistenEnglishSONGSratherthanChineseONES.MyfavouritePOPsingerisKatyPerry.Ithinkhersongissoinspirational.IoftensinkmyselfintothemusicbeforefallINGasleep.MydreamisthatonedayIcangotoCaliforniaandseeKatyPerryPERSONALLY.SoIlikelearningandspeakingEnglish.IdesperatelywanttobeoneofthestudentsinACCAclass.NotonlycanIimprovemyEnglish,butIalsocanlearntobeanaccountantasIhopeTO.ThisisthereasonwhyI’mSPEAKINGhere.IknowI’mnotoutstandingnow.butinuniversity,therewillbemuchsparetimeTHATICANMAKEGOODUSEOFtocatchupwithothers.IwilltrytobethebestbecauseI’mwillingtofacechallenges.EvenifIfail,myoptimismwilltreat.That’sall,thankyou.
孙远辉回答:
  Itisreallymyhonortohavethisopportunitytointroducemyselfbriefly.MynameisXX,andIcomefromHubeiprovince.AlthoughIam17yearsold,andstillalittleshortandthin.PerhapsbecauseIdonotlikedoingexercises.ButIlikeplayingbadmintonwithmyparentsafterdinner.Iconsideritasagoldentimeofthewholeday,becauseIcanenjoymyself.ListeningmusicisanotherthingIcangetsamefeelings.Tobehonest,IpreferlisteningEnglishmusicratherthanChinese.MyfavouritePOPsingerisKatyPerry.Ithinkhersongissoinspirational.Ioftensinkmyselfintothemusicbeforefallasleep.MydreamisthatonedayIcangotoCaliforniaandseeKatyPerrypersonally.SoIlikelearningandspeakingEnglish.IdesperatelywanttobeoneofthestudentsinACCAclass.NotonlycanIimprovemyEnglish,butIcanlearnhowtobeanaccountantasIhope.ThisisthereasonwhyI’mstandinghere.IknowI’mnotoutstandingnow.butinuniversity,therewillbemuchsparetimeformetocatchupwithothers.IwilltrytobethebestbecauseI’mwillingtofacechallenges.EvenifIfail,myoptimismwilltreat.That’sall,thankyou.
冯桂珍回答:
  第5行前面没有onething后面不能用anotherthing   listento   第7行Hersong....makesmeadeepimpression   地8行inreality改为facetoface   butIalsocanlearntobeanaccountantasIhope改为butalsoicouldrealizemydeeamtobeanaccountant   加上句Wherethereisawilthereisaway!
罗玉臣回答:
  Itis(不可用really)my(加great)honortohavethisopportunitytointroducemyself(可省briefly).MynameisXX。(加Iam)fromHubeiprovince.AlthoughI(不可用still)lookveryshortandthin,(不要说你平时不运动!!Iam17yearsold,.Perhapsitismynotdoingexercisesregularlythatcontributestothisresult.But)Ilikeplayingbadmintonwithmyparentsafterdinner.Iconsideritasagoldentimeoftheday,becauseIfeel(really)happy(todosomeexercisewithmyfamily).(用个更地道的AnotherthingIcangetsamefeelingsislisteningtomusic.)(加Also,Iamcrazyaboutmusic!)Tobehonest,IprefertolistenEnglishmusicratherthanChinesemusic.MyfavouritePOPsingerisKatyPerry.(去掉Ithink)hersong,,isso(改inspirational为inspiring).I(去often为always)sinkmyselfintothemusic(有歧义,去掉beforefallasleep).MydreamisthatonedayIcangotoCaliforniaandseeKatyPerryin(去reality,当面是inperson).SoIlikelearningandspeakingEnglish.IdesperatelywanttobeoneofthestudentsinACCAclass.NotonlycanIimprovemyEnglish,butalsoIcanlearntobeanaccountantasIhope.(Iwilneverbemoreactiveorhappyorwell-preparedthaniamrightnow,Iwanttomakethemostofmycollegelife)ThisisthereasonwhyI’mbeinghere.(去Iknow)MaybeyouthinkI’mnotoutstandingnow.(加Howvever,Iamnothingbutaquitehardworkingstudent.)(去butinuniversity,therewillbemuchsparetimeformetocatchupwithothers).Iwill(去tryto自信点嘛!)bethebestherebecauseI’mwillingtoface(any)challenges.(去EvenifIfail,myoptimismwilltreat.That’sall)(加itisme,xxx,a17-year-oldboy/girlwithmyowndream.Willyouchooseher/him?Iwishyouthebestofluckineverythingyoudo!thankyou).   学长,加油你一定行的!:)
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