MydreamendedwhenIwasborn.AlthoughIneverknewitthen,Ijustheldontosomethingthatwouldnevercometopass.Dreamsreallydoexist.Butinthemorningwhenyouwakeup,theyarerememberedjustasadream.Thatiswhathappenedtome.
Ialwayshavethedreamtodancelikeabeautifulballerinatwirlingaroundandaroundandhearingpeopleapplaudforme.WhenIwasyoung,Iwouldtwirlingaroundandaroundinthefieldsofwildflowersthatgrewinmybackyard.ForhoursIwoulddanceasifpeoplewerewatchingme.IwoulddancesofastthatIwouldforgetwhereIwas,untilIwouldhearsoundsthatremindedmeofwhereIreallywas.IthoughtthatifItwirledfastereverythingwoulddisappearandIwouldwakeupinanewplace.RealitywokemeupwhenIheardavoicesaying,"Idon'tknowwhyyoubothertryingtodance.Ballerinasarepretty,slenderlittlegirls.Besides,youdon'thavethetalenttoevenbeaballerina."Irememberhowthosewordsparalyzedeveryfeelinginmybody.Ifeeltothegroundandweptforhours.
WelivedinthecountrybyanearbylakeandIwouldsometimesgotheretohide.MyparentswereneverhomeanywayandIdidnotliketobeathomewhereIcouldhearthewallstalkingofpain.Whentheywerehome,mymotherjustyelledandcriticizedbecausenothingwaseverperfectinherlife.Shedreamedofadifferentlifebutendeduplivinginacountryfarawayfromthecitywhereshebelievedherdreamswouldhavecometrue.Ienjoyedhangingoutbythewater.Iwouldsitthereforhoursandstareatmyreflection.ThereIwas,lookednothinglikeaprettyballerinadancer.Reflectionsdon'tlie.Oncethewaveswouldcome,myreflectionwasgone.Washedawayjustlikemydreamtodance.Isattherestaringatthewater,hopingthatmyreflectionwouldreappearandbedifferent.
AsIgrewolder,Ibegantorealizethatthereasonmydreamwasevenborninthefirstplace,wasbecauseitwassomethingthatwasinsideofme.ThedreamIhadwasnevernurturedandcaredfor,soitslowlydied.It'snotthatIwantedittodie,butIallowedittodiethedayIstartedlisteningtothewords,"Youcan'tdoit."WhenIfinallywokeupfrommanyyearsofdreaming,Irealizedthatyoucan'tsettlefordancinginthewildflowers,youhavetomoveontotheplatform.Istillgotothelakesometimesandsitthere.Lookingatmyreflectionisdifferentnowtoo.WhenIwasyoung,Ilookedathowotherssawme,nowthatIamolderandwiser;IlookathowGodseesme.