麻烦帮我改改这篇托福作文,

thepeoplewhocannotacceptthecriticismwillnotbesuccessfulatworkinginagroup.

Itisbelievedbymanythatagoodperformanceinjobpositionwilldefinitelyhelptheemployeegetpromoted.Nowadays,heateddebatehasbeengoingonaboutwhetherthepeoplewhocannotacceptthecriticismwillnotbesuccessfulatagroupofcompany.Someassertthatindividualsshouldbedecisivethatcannotobeytoothers,whileothersconsideritiswrongofdoingso.Inmyopinion,Iamstronglyinfavorofthelatterone,especiallywhengrowingopportunitiesandhigherqualityofeducationaretakenintoconsideration.

Firstly,Iholdthatacceptingthecriticismcanhelptheindividualsavoidthehorriblecircumstancestheymayencountersothatimprovingtheefficiencyoftheterm.Itseemsthattermworkplaysapivotalroleinadvancingthecompany’sbenefits.Inotherwords,thetermnumbersaresupposedtoworkinaccordancewithothers.Onlywhengivingthespecificsuggestiontoothers,canteamimprovetheefficiencyofthecompany.Bythecontrast,ifwedowithoutfollowingexperiencedpeople’recommendation,itwillimpaircohesiveforceofthecompany.

Secondly,acceptingthecriticismcouldmakethepeoplethebettermen.Obviously,nooneisgoodateverything,andwemoreorlesshavesomebiasedandpersonalopinion.Duetothosedemeritswehave,wearesupposedtomakeachangeaboutourselvesandtobebettermen.AsmyteacherJimmyoncetoldus,‘onlytorelyonyourownexperiencetojudgethingsisnotenoughandmayleadtoextreme,whilebyacceptingothers’suggestionwithyourdiscretion,onecanmakeashortcuttowardssuccess.

Admittedly,sometimes,complyingwithotherstoomuchwillleadyouloseyourcharacteristics.Apparently,youarenotsoconfidentwithyourselftacklingwithdifficultiesintermsoffacingchallengesthatyouhavenochoicesbuttotendtoothers.Evenso,Iamfullyconvincedthatbenefitsofacceptingpropercriticismfaroutweighthatofdoingalonebyoneself,foryoucanbeincreasinglyandacademicallyaccomplished.

Tosumup.Iwouldconcedethatithassomedemeritstocompletelyfollowothers.Despiteofthat,Iamsureofacceptingcriticismofbeingincrediblysignificant,asawhole.