Nowadaysacellphoneserviceisavailabletoeveryoneeverywhere．ProbablythousandsofpeoplehavealreadybeenusingitbutIjustdiscovereditsoI’mgoingtoclaimitandalsonameit:FakeFoning.

Thetechnologyhasbeenworkingwellformeattheofficebutthereareinfiniteapplications．Infactinanypublicspace．

Sayyouworkatabiguniversitywithlotsoftalkyfacultymembersbuzzingabout．Nowsayyouneedtousetherestroom．Thetripdownthehallwilltakeapproximatelyonehourbecauseapersoncan’twalkintothosetalkypeoplewithoutgettingpulledasideforaquestionabitofgossipanewreadonacertainlineofParadiseLost.

Soacellphone．Anycellphone．Justpickitup．Don’tdial．Justholdthatphonetoyourfaceandstarttalking．Walkconfidentlydownthehallengagedinfakeconversationmakingsuretotailorboththetopicandcontenttothepersonstandingbeforeyouwhomyouaretryingtoevade.

ForstandardcolleagueavoidanceIsuggestfakechattingaboutfakebusiness:

"YesI’mgladyoucalledbecausewereallyneedtothinkaboutthedetails．What’sthat?YesIreadPage12butifyoulookatthebottomof4Ithinkyoucanseetheproblembeginsrightthere."

Beanimated．Beengagedinyourfakefoneconversation．Makeeyecontactwiththepeoplepassingnodtothemgesturekeeninterestintalkingtothematalatertimepointtoyourphoneshrugandmoveon.

Shoppersshouldconsiderfakefoninganytimetheyspotatalkyneighborintheproducedepartmentpinching（用手捏）unripepeaches．Withoutyourphoneatyourfaceyou’dbeinfora20-minutespeechonhowterribletheworldis.

Oneimportantcautionaboutfakefoning．TheotherdayIwasfakefoningmywaypastacolleagueandhewasactuallyfollowingmetogetmyattention．IknewhewantedtoaskaboutaprojectIhadnotyetfinished．IwastryingtobuymyselfsometimesoIcontinuedfakefoningwithmydoctor．"SoIdon’tneedtheoperation?Ohdoctorthatisthebestnews."

Andthen:Brrrrrrng!Brrrrrmg!Brrrrrmg!Myphonestartedringingrighttherewhileitwasplantedonmyface．MycolleaguelookedatmeandIathimandnaturallyIgasped．"Whatisthematterwiththisthing?"Isaidpullingthephoneawaytolookatitandthenputtingitbackt