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好心人帮我看看这篇作文啊Intheageofinformationandtechnology,mobilephoneplaysavitalroleinourdailylife.Somepeopleprefertousethemobilephonewhentheyareatbusorplane.Thereasonisthattheycandirectlycommunicatew
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好心人帮我看看这篇作文啊

Intheageofinformationandtechnology,mobilephoneplaysavitalroleinourdailylife.Somepeopleprefertousethemobilephonewhentheyareatbusorplane.Thereasonisthattheycandirectlycommunicatewiththeirfamiliesandfriends.Onthecontrary,therearealsothemajorityofpeoplewhoarguethisissue.Frommyownperspective,itcanbeeasilyprovidedthatwecannotusemobilephonewhenwearetraveling.

Themostsignificantreasonisthatwemaybedangerous.Forexample,weusemobilephone,whenplaneisflying.Itisharmfulforsomeelectronicinstruments.Theresult,flyercannotreceivethesignfromtheground.What'sworse,withoutthesendingsignfromtheground,theplanecanbeanextremelyhighdangerous.Oppositely,ifweprohibitusingmobilephoneintheplane,thewholetravelissafer.

Additionally,inthepublictransportationisapublicplace.Hence,noonehasrighttodosomethingwhichisanunfriendlytootherpeopleincludingusingcellphone.Imagethatyouaresleepingorwanttoquietplace,butthereisapeoplewhoistalkingloudly.Youmustfeelunhappyanduncomfortable.Youlostachancetorelaxyourselfformworkandstudy.Butiftheplaceisquiet,youhaveanopportunitytoenjoyingyourtimeandviewthesceneryoutsidethewindows.Thegorgeousatmospherecanbringtoyourwork.

Althoughsomepeoplewouldliketousemobilephoneinplaneorbus,becausetheycanimmediatelytouchwithpeoplewhowanttocommunicatewith,itisrathersuperficialtodeemthatweshouldusemobilephoneinpublictransportation.

Toconclusion,Idostronglysupportweshouldn’tusemobilephoneinpane,busandtrain.Itisundeniablethatusingmobilephoneinpublictransportationhasitsownmerits:howeverwehavecompleteevidencetosuggestthatprohibitusingmobilephoneinpublictransportationisalwaysbetterthatusingmobilephoneinpublictransportation.

能帮我精改吗?

有几分呢

题目是能不能用手机在busplanetrain上是托福独立写作的

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  Somepeopleprefertousethemobilephonewhentheyareatbusorplane.后面那句不要,这样才能和你后面onthecontrary对应.Themostsignificantreasonisthat【usingcells,especiallyontheplane】i...
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