请帮忙批改下我的托福独立作文,7月23号就要考试了!
刚开始准备作文,写的第一篇和第二篇作文.麻烦帮忙修改下,然后我这两篇作文请问可以拿多少分?我会按修改好坏加分滴~10到30分不等!
Doyouagreeordisagreewiththefollowingstatement:
Inordertobecomefinanciallyresponsibleadults,childrenshouldmanagetheirownmoneyattheyoungage.
我的作文：
Withthedevelopmentofonenation’spercapitaincome,itisnotraretoseethatchildrenhavemorechancestomanagetheirownmoneyattheyoungage.Consequently,Iamsoeagertosayafewwordstothisissue.Ireallyconsiderthatifthisplaniscarriedoutinthenearfuture,therewouldbemoreadvantagestobebroughttothequalityoflifeofoursocialcommunity.
AndIhaveseveralspecificreasonsforagreeingwithit,whichareexplainedinthefollowingparagraphs.Firstly,fromapersonallyandpsychologicalperspective,itisgenerallybelievedthatmanagingone’sownmoneycouldcontributetobuildingtheirfinancialbudget,whichwoulddefinitelysavealargeamountofmoney.Iwanttotakeasingleexampleformyself.WhenIwastenyearsold,myfatherwouldgivemefiveyuaneachdaybeforesendingmetotheprimaryschoolinmyhometown.Fromthenon,Ibegintoformaconceptofmanagingmyownmoney.Withthehelpofthisearlyspecialeducation,ihavelearnedtowriteaplanbeforeIbuysomething,whichobviouslyleadsmetosavethepossiblywastedmoney.
Secondly,themanagementofchildren’sownmoneyapparentlyalleviatetheirparents’burden.Ones’parentswouldhavetospendextratimeonpurchasinggoodsfortheirchildren.Forexample,aschoolbag,thetextbooks,pencils,clothesetc.Thisinevitablycostmuchtimeandneedtosparemoreenergy.Onthecontrary,iftheparentsgivethemoneytotheirchildrentoletthemadministeritbythemselves,theywouldhavemoretimetofocusontheirdailyworkortakearest,suchasplayinggolfandwatchingabasketballgame.
Takingintoaccountallthesefactors,wemaysafelydrawtheconclusionthatthemanagementofchildren’sownmoneyisofgreatsignificance.Obviously,itsadvantagesofcultivatingones’financialconsciousnessandhelpingthembeearlyindependentfaroutweighitsdisadvantagesofwastingmoney.Nonetheless,itismoredesirableiftheparentsinfusetherightconceptofconsumptionin
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