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SAT作文语句求修改WhenhefoundthegreatpotentialofhiswebsiteFacebook,herealizedthatagoldenentrepreneurialopportunitywascomingandmadeanunexpecteddecision:dropoutofcollegeandestablishhisowncompanytooperatethewebsit
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问题描述:

SAT作文语句求修改

WhenhefoundthegreatpotentialofhiswebsiteFacebook,herealizedthatagoldenentrepreneurialopportunitywascomingandmadeanunexpecteddecision:dropoutofcollegeandestablishhisowncompanytooperatethewebsite.

2.Inthe18thand19thcentury,itseemedtobetheonlytaskformostwomentotakegoodcareoftheirhusbandsandchildrenratherthanpursuitanychallenginggoals.

3.Itwashisinitiativecontributiontomodernmusic,dance,andfashionthatmadehimaglobalfigureinpopularculturefordecades.

4.Afterhisdeathin2008,hissplendidperformanceswerestillimitatedbycontemporaryartists.

邵小良回答:
  你的文章真题写得很不错——语言功底很扎实,学习了!里面的个别地方在此商榷,以作交流——————   When【he最好换成所知道的人名字,写人些事,都是让读者更多地了解此人.】foundthegreatpotentialofhiswebsiteFacebook,【he或者替换这个代词为名词】realizedthatagoldenentrepreneurialopportunitywascoming【.分为两个句子】【Hethen用并列形式,两种时态不对应,容易导致费解或误解】madeanunexpecteddecision:【todrop/droppingoutofcollegeandestablish/establishinghisowncompanytooperatethewebsite.多用短语表达】   2.Inthe18thand19thcentury,itseemedtobetheonlytaskformostwomentotakegoodcareoftheirhusbandsandchildrenratherthan【pursuit(n)改为pursue(v)】anychallenginggoals.   这个句子写的很不错!不过,如果改变一下,也许效果会不同:   Inthe18thand19thcentury,takinggoodcareoftheirhusbandsandchildrenseemedtobetheonlytaskformostwomenratherthan【pursuing】anychallenginggoals.要表达的主要意思得到强调或突出!   3.It【was——is当做客观事实,应该更好,而且与后面的fordecades搭配】hisinitiativecontributiontomodernmusic,dance,andfashionthatmadehimaglobalfigureinpopularculture【fordecades.几十年来(一直)】强调句型使用很成功!   4.After【his——变成人名加所有格形式,可以让读者记忆此人】deathin2008,hissplendidperformanceswerestillimitatedbycontemporaryartists.
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